Dear Dick's Sporting Goods, I hate you. The end. is prominently featuring "25% off any one item" on their website for CyberMonday. Including WITHIN that promo box are links telling you to "shop apparel."

While an asterisk is present, nowhere could I find the exclusions that undoubtedly apply. No matter what I put in my cart from those links, including the most non-descript bag, not a single item would show the discount. I finally had to call Customer Service where Antonio, though kind, basically informed me that I was just supposed to put full-price items in my cart and hope to accidentally stumble upon the rare, magical item that might qualify. Perhaps Dick's sell unicorns?

He finally allowed that if I typed the word "exclusion" into their search bar I would find the list of excluded items which is LITERALLY EVERY BRAND DICK'S CARRIES. Seriously.

Offer excludes adidas golf, Adams Golf, Asics, Atec, Baby Jogger, Bauer, Boats, Bowflex,Burton,Canoes, Carhartt, Callaway, Championship Merchandise, Cleveland, Cobra Golf, Columbia, DeMarini, EA Sports Active, Easton, Ektelon, Escape, Fitness Quest, Fly Flot, FootJoy, Fossil, Gun Safes, Head, Horizon,Jordan, Jugs, Kayaks, K2, Kettler, K-Swiss, Lobster, Louisville Slugger, Magnum,Maui, MBS Mountainboards, MBT, Merrell, Miken Sports, Mission, Mizuno, Mongoose, Nextt Golf, Nike Pro, Nike Golf, Nike, Nike Livestrong, Nike Hyperize, Nike AF1, Oakley, Odyssey,Prince, Pro Feet, Puma, Rawlings, Razors, Rollerblade, Salomon, Schwinn, Skycaddie, Speedstik, Spring Step, Sole, TaylorMade, The North Face, Thule, Titleist, Tour Edge, Trend Sports, Trolling motors, Under Armour, and Worth, all electronics/optics, ellipticals, Fish locators,Reebok Easytone, Reebok ZIG, Reebok Runtone, treadmills, home gyms, Ugg,weights, benches, Yakima and select basketball systems.

What's left? Gum?

I know I can just not shop there but I really think this is lazy at best and deceptive at worst. I mean I followed the link IN THEIR 25% off box and nothing that came up even remotely qualifies. 

Liars, liars, athletic pants (some exclusions apply) on fire. 

How I spent my birthday


Hacking and painting.

I had big birthday weekend plans. Dinner out with the BFF (who also happens to be my first-cousin which means she is stuck with me forever. Amen. Poor dear). I started getting the flaming throat of fire on Friday evening about halfway through our "date." I tried to blame the salsa at the astoundingly-bad-mexican-restaurant we dined (I use the term loosely) in. Sadly, the food was too bland to be causing throat-of-fire. On the upside, this place should be thanking their lucky stars that I don't write restaurant reviews because I'm not sure there is the "slightest barely visible to the naked eye sliver of a star" to indicate how unappealing "Sangria" which is purple wine with canned fruit cocktail dumped in it really is. Really.

By Saturday afternoon throat-of-fire had moved to "general aches and pains" that could have been old age but probably had something to do with the head-swimming hacking thing I had going on. I think Saturday was fun but I remember very little of it. Apologies to my friends for any vague weirdness I may have visited up on them. I do know that frosting, a birthday cookie and singing was involved and I am always up for frosting and singing. Loved that.


By Sunday throat-of-fire had morphed to swollen head and congested chest so THAT was fun. I figured the best thing to clear that up was paint fumes! Yay fumes!

Spent the day cleaning and painting Wondergirl's room. Love it so much I cannot say. She has really good taste, that kid. I think I'm putting her in charge of the rest of the house from now on. We had a great time but I did suffer a bit of angst when she vetoed moving many of her toys and stuffed animals back in after we had cleaned and painted. She decided that she likes it clean and clear.

What it is is "Teenaged."

I'll be sneaking Little Pet Shop toys and maybe a pacifier or something in there after she leaves for school today.

Just keeping it real - and real young!

Rummaging for Democracy

It’s pretty much no big secret that I love a bargain and will purchase almost anything from a church rummage sale. I also always pay full price because the prices are ALWAYS laughably low. Still there is always SOMEONE trying to get a better deal "so this entire set of mint condition Pyrex bowls? Can you take LESS than a quarter for all?" It's like honestly now, did you really just try to get a price cut from The Lord?

I am also a huge HUGE fan of the democratic process, your right to vote, make a difference, blah blah blah.
Thus, when these two worlds COLLIDE why, it’s like perfection, with a cake table!

My voting precinct is a Midwestern Church. The thing about Midwestern Churches is that they are incapable of going for long periods of time without selling baked goods and rummage. Seriously. Somewhere in their hymnals is a tract entitled “ode to selling paperbacks and old sheets.”

I would like to think I would get up bright and early to vote even without pie – even as I hope I never have to face the horror of actually finding out.

Today was a particularly good score in the pursuit of democracy … and things I can’t really explain but Had To Have.

To whit:
Wondergirl has been asking for a camera to take to sleepaway camp. I think she has in mind a couple of those cheap disposables. I’m going to tell her I found THIS one for her – and such a deal! For $2 it’s worth the laughs – or looks of horror. After that I add it to my vintage-cameras-that-are-worth-nothing but-still-make-me-happy collection. It’s all good.

Okay first, hello cute. We are suckers for anything “soccer” around here. I’m still coveting a soccer Olympic tee I didn’t get (A quarter people! A QUARTER! It will probably haunt me). Speaking of things I paid a quarter for – this is one of them. Somewhere someone who is really remarkably bad at investments paid $29.95 for this little item. Poor dears.
Remember when Beanie Babies were going to be the next big thing? They were going to pay for college? Yeah, I paid a quarter for this. So go figure. Apparently depreciation hit HARD in the Beanie Baby world.


And okay how cute is this? I mean capital-P Precious right? If you are thinking “no, not really” then can I at least get a “eh, not a total waste of .75 cents?”
I’m thinking soccer raffle or something. I don’t know. Again, I see soccer balls and my eyes sort of glaze over. Must. Have. The. End.

Pay no attention to the dusty porch floor. What we are seeing here is my triumph – UGLY PICTURE!!! Yes, I know. I take a bow to the complete “What the HECK??” nature of this piece. Jagger is showing his long-suffering “Dude I’m a DOG and even I know this is bad” face. But I needed the frame see? My complete lack of interest in the actual art is evidenced by the fact that it is UPSIDE DOWN in the first photo. Here, let me flip it around for you …
See? Still hideous!!! (And if this came from YOUR house then seriously, I lie, it’s GORGEOUS. Stunning even. I’m sure in the right room it looked FABULOUS). As you can see Jagger is so in love with it that he is ducking down behind it in shame. Everyone’s a critic. Like I’m taking decorating advice from anybody who licks his own butt.
IMG_0608Eventually the frame will GO HERE ^ and it will all make perfect sense. I think.
Until then I KNOW you are thinking “why sure, it will go well with your FREAKY ONE EARED RABBIT and strange old wooden box. Sure.”
Oddly enough the colors of the painting kind of “go” with the room. If I hang it sideways just like that can I call it Modern Art? 
I have written previously about the awesome deals to be found while in pursuit of democracy. Why, every time I look at my local vintage cider jug I feel all warm inside.
You have your “I voted today” sticker. I have clutter. Same difference.

Now in RED just to torture me

Damn you Nintendo and your enticing RED Wii.

As we all know I am a sucker for anything red - as evidenced by my purchase of an unknown item that we now know to be a taco holder.

Previously I would have made ceaseless fun of anyone who actually owned a taco holder but, put some red on it, and I'm dropping my dime faster than you can say "what the heck is that?"

Fortunately, the red Wii costs marginally more than a dime, or I'd be so on that thing.