Cookie Calling
In case anyone doubted that cookies call out to me.
Notice how that cookie that looks suspiciously like Mr. Wonderful is trying to steal the limelight?
Remotely addicted
So the remote control for the TV/Cable box died this morning.
It may or may not have (allegedly) been a homicide.
A hot cup of coffee and poor morning motor skills may (allegedly) have been involved.
Now the "3" works and the volume works (but only goes up, not down, which is fun at 5 a.m.)
Before anyone gets all uppity with the "you COULD just walk over and change the channel loser!" let me assure you that no, you can't. I tried.
Okay, I thought about trying but I know from experience that you cannot control the cable television box in anything beyond the most rudimentary way without the remote. The remote is the key to all cable happiness.
So I called and, of course, there is no technical fix available via telephone for "customer doused remote in hot coffee." Poor planning and distinct lack of knowledge of their customer base if you ask me. Are you listening Comcast? Waterproof Remote Controls. That would work.
Now I get to drive 30 minutes each way to replace the remote. The sad thing? That doesn't bother me - it's my fault after all - it's waiting nearly three whole hours until they open at 9:00 a.m. that's going to make me all kinds of crazy.
Would meeting the employees in the parking lot as they arrive look desperate?
It may or may not have (allegedly) been a homicide.
A hot cup of coffee and poor morning motor skills may (allegedly) have been involved.
Now the "3" works and the volume works (but only goes up, not down, which is fun at 5 a.m.)
Before anyone gets all uppity with the "you COULD just walk over and change the channel loser!" let me assure you that no, you can't. I tried.
Okay, I thought about trying but I know from experience that you cannot control the cable television box in anything beyond the most rudimentary way without the remote. The remote is the key to all cable happiness.
So I called and, of course, there is no technical fix available via telephone for "customer doused remote in hot coffee." Poor planning and distinct lack of knowledge of their customer base if you ask me. Are you listening Comcast? Waterproof Remote Controls. That would work.
Now I get to drive 30 minutes each way to replace the remote. The sad thing? That doesn't bother me - it's my fault after all - it's waiting nearly three whole hours until they open at 9:00 a.m. that's going to make me all kinds of crazy.
Would meeting the employees in the parking lot as they arrive look desperate?
Snow Dogs
So I am finally relenting and considering a path I once swore I would never travel. Considering a choice that I support for others but swore would be one I would never take.
I am speaking, of course, of dog clothes.
Our dogs are pure country. They have poor home raisin' and generally behave like they did, in fact, grow up in a barn.
I bring them in during inclement weather and they stand at the door in abject misery. I see "warm and cozy now isn't that nice?" They see a hostage situation and stand there plotting and sighing like they are mounting an escape from Alcatraz.
This morning, however, big dog Ace, the German Shepherd, was seen to be literally shivering in the cold. Meanwhile, fat ottoman shaped dog, Jagger, was sprawled out on the porch with his triple-layer Newfoundland coat and ample body fat with nary a care in the world. "Oh is it snowing? I hadn't noticed."
So I think Ace needs a new coat. Maybe a nice puffer down or a Woolrich? Something to wear so I don't have to drag him bodily into the house and wrap a sofa throw around him (which he will promptly eat).
So tell me the truth friends? Is there anyone out there who dresses a dog that ISN'T small enough to carry in a purse?
Can I big dog still show his face in the world - and scare of intruders, squirrels, and errant UPS drivers while wearing a down-filled fleece?
What about a matching hat?
I am speaking, of course, of dog clothes.
Our dogs are pure country. They have poor home raisin' and generally behave like they did, in fact, grow up in a barn.
I bring them in during inclement weather and they stand at the door in abject misery. I see "warm and cozy now isn't that nice?" They see a hostage situation and stand there plotting and sighing like they are mounting an escape from Alcatraz.
This morning, however, big dog Ace, the German Shepherd, was seen to be literally shivering in the cold. Meanwhile, fat ottoman shaped dog, Jagger, was sprawled out on the porch with his triple-layer Newfoundland coat and ample body fat with nary a care in the world. "Oh is it snowing? I hadn't noticed."
So I think Ace needs a new coat. Maybe a nice puffer down or a Woolrich? Something to wear so I don't have to drag him bodily into the house and wrap a sofa throw around him (which he will promptly eat).
So tell me the truth friends? Is there anyone out there who dresses a dog that ISN'T small enough to carry in a purse?
Can I big dog still show his face in the world - and scare of intruders, squirrels, and errant UPS drivers while wearing a down-filled fleece?
What about a matching hat?
Whatever
Okay friends, I need a little favor.
Every single one of you who actually come to my house, I need you to enter my dining room, recoil in horror, pause, look thoughtful, and say something along the lines of "have you ever considered removing that wall?"
I think you can do that, don't you?
There is a wall that divides the kitchen and dining room that has become the bane of my existence. I have a vision of opening it up so the dining room and kitchen flow together nicely. Bonus points for losing a wholly stupid 11" deep closet in the dining room.
Mr. Wonderful, however, will blather on about load bearing wall, enormous brick wall embedded within, etc. etc.
Ignore him. He doesn't always see my vision. At first.
Every single one of you who actually come to my house, I need you to enter my dining room, recoil in horror, pause, look thoughtful, and say something along the lines of "have you ever considered removing that wall?"
I think you can do that, don't you?
There is a wall that divides the kitchen and dining room that has become the bane of my existence. I have a vision of opening it up so the dining room and kitchen flow together nicely. Bonus points for losing a wholly stupid 11" deep closet in the dining room.
Mr. Wonderful, however, will blather on about load bearing wall, enormous brick wall embedded within, etc. etc.
Ignore him. He doesn't always see my vision. At first.
Gertie the Guard Goat
So I'm sitting here minding my biz and getting fatter on the couch eating almonds which are good for you but probably NOT if you eat the entire can.
I hear the faint sound of a buzzsaw. Or perhaps a cat being strangled. Since our own most-wonderful-cat-in-the-whole-world is sitting right here breathing easy, I know it's not actually a cat being strangled.
Still, I jump up and check the pool because, hello, I learned a thing or two.
I peer outside to discover that it's Gertie, our goat. She is standing at the corner of the pasture losing her MIND over the fact that the girls are sledding down the front hill - visible (at least the top) from her pasture.
Being a goat I'm thinking she is not quite familiar with the norms of sledding. She seems really overwrought about the whole thing.
I realize there's a pattern here. As the girls reappear at the top of the hill - she relaxes and falls silent.
As they hop on the sled's and crest over the top of the hill she loses it and begins braying again. If you were to speak goat I suspect it goes something like "Oh, oh no! They are going over the cliff! Aaaahgghh they are gone. Gone I tell you! GONE! Can no one help us? Is there no one to save them? That blond one, she feeds me! Somebody anybody help! ... oh, wait? What's this. Oh praise the Heavens they are alive! They have survived! Oh it's wonderful news! I shall eat again! Oh, my, that was close ..." ... "What? Oh No! They are gong over a cliff AGAIN! "
She seriously seems concerned about the children sledding.
Clearly, she's a nanny goat.
I hear the faint sound of a buzzsaw. Or perhaps a cat being strangled. Since our own most-wonderful-cat-in-the-whole-world is sitting right here breathing easy, I know it's not actually a cat being strangled.
Still, I jump up and check the pool because, hello, I learned a thing or two.
I peer outside to discover that it's Gertie, our goat. She is standing at the corner of the pasture losing her MIND over the fact that the girls are sledding down the front hill - visible (at least the top) from her pasture.
Being a goat I'm thinking she is not quite familiar with the norms of sledding. She seems really overwrought about the whole thing.
I realize there's a pattern here. As the girls reappear at the top of the hill - she relaxes and falls silent.
As they hop on the sled's and crest over the top of the hill she loses it and begins braying again. If you were to speak goat I suspect it goes something like "Oh, oh no! They are going over the cliff! Aaaahgghh they are gone. Gone I tell you! GONE! Can no one help us? Is there no one to save them? That blond one, she feeds me! Somebody anybody help! ... oh, wait? What's this. Oh praise the Heavens they are alive! They have survived! Oh it's wonderful news! I shall eat again! Oh, my, that was close ..." ... "What? Oh No! They are gong over a cliff AGAIN! "
She seriously seems concerned about the children sledding.
Clearly, she's a nanny goat.
Dear Dick's Sporting Goods, I hate you. The end.
dickssportinggoods.com is prominently featuring "25% off any one item" on their website for CyberMonday. Including WITHIN that promo box are links telling you to "shop apparel." 
While an asterisk is present, nowhere could I find the exclusions that undoubtedly apply. No matter what I put in my cart from those links, including the most non-descript bag, not a single item would show the discount. I finally had to call Customer Service where Antonio, though kind, basically informed me that I was just supposed to put full-price items in my cart and hope to accidentally stumble upon the rare, magical item that might qualify. Perhaps Dick's sell unicorns?
He finally allowed that if I typed the word "exclusion" into their search bar I would find the list of excluded items which is LITERALLY EVERY BRAND DICK'S CARRIES. Seriously.
Offer excludes adidas golf, Adams Golf, Asics, Atec, Baby Jogger, Bauer, Boats, Bowflex,Burton,Canoes, Carhartt, Callaway, Championship Merchandise, Cleveland, Cobra Golf, Columbia, DeMarini, EA Sports Active, Easton, Ektelon, Escape, Fitness Quest, Fly Flot, FootJoy, Fossil, Gun Safes, Head, Horizon,Jordan, Jugs, Kayaks, K2, Kettler, K-Swiss, Lobster, Louisville Slugger, Magnum,Maui, MBS Mountainboards, MBT, Merrell, Miken Sports, Mission, Mizuno, Mongoose, Nextt Golf, Nike Pro, Nike Golf, Nike, Nike Livestrong, Nike Hyperize, Nike AF1, Oakley, Odyssey,Prince, Pro Feet, Puma, Rawlings, Razors, Rollerblade, Salomon, Schwinn, Skycaddie, Speedstik, Spring Step, Sole, TaylorMade, The North Face, Thule, Titleist, Tour Edge, Trend Sports, Trolling motors, Under Armour, and Worth, all electronics/optics, ellipticals, Fish locators,Reebok Easytone, Reebok ZIG, Reebok Runtone, treadmills, home gyms, Ugg,weights, benches, Yakima and select basketball systems.
What's left? Gum?
I know I can just not shop there but I really think this is lazy at best and deceptive at worst. I mean I followed the link IN THEIR 25% off box and nothing that came up even remotely qualifies.
Liars, liars, athletic pants (some exclusions apply) on fire.
While an asterisk is present, nowhere could I find the exclusions that undoubtedly apply. No matter what I put in my cart from those links, including the most non-descript bag, not a single item would show the discount. I finally had to call Customer Service where Antonio, though kind, basically informed me that I was just supposed to put full-price items in my cart and hope to accidentally stumble upon the rare, magical item that might qualify. Perhaps Dick's sell unicorns?
He finally allowed that if I typed the word "exclusion" into their search bar I would find the list of excluded items which is LITERALLY EVERY BRAND DICK'S CARRIES. Seriously.
Offer excludes adidas golf, Adams Golf, Asics, Atec, Baby Jogger, Bauer, Boats, Bowflex,Burton,Canoes, Carhartt, Callaway, Championship Merchandise, Cleveland, Cobra Golf, Columbia, DeMarini, EA Sports Active, Easton, Ektelon, Escape, Fitness Quest, Fly Flot, FootJoy, Fossil, Gun Safes, Head, Horizon,Jordan, Jugs, Kayaks, K2, Kettler, K-Swiss, Lobster, Louisville Slugger, Magnum,Maui, MBS Mountainboards, MBT, Merrell, Miken Sports, Mission, Mizuno, Mongoose, Nextt Golf, Nike Pro, Nike Golf, Nike, Nike Livestrong, Nike Hyperize, Nike AF1, Oakley, Odyssey,Prince, Pro Feet, Puma, Rawlings, Razors, Rollerblade, Salomon, Schwinn, Skycaddie, Speedstik, Spring Step, Sole, TaylorMade, The North Face, Thule, Titleist, Tour Edge, Trend Sports, Trolling motors, Under Armour, and Worth, all electronics/optics, ellipticals, Fish locators,Reebok Easytone, Reebok ZIG, Reebok Runtone, treadmills, home gyms, Ugg,weights, benches, Yakima and select basketball systems.
What's left? Gum?
I know I can just not shop there but I really think this is lazy at best and deceptive at worst. I mean I followed the link IN THEIR 25% off box and nothing that came up even remotely qualifies.
Liars, liars, athletic pants (some exclusions apply) on fire.
How I spent my birthday
Hacking.
Hacking and painting.
I had big birthday weekend plans. Dinner out with the BFF (who also happens to be my first-cousin which means she is stuck with me forever. Amen. Poor dear). I started getting the flaming throat of fire on Friday evening about halfway through our "date." I tried to blame the salsa at the astoundingly-bad-mexican-restaurant we dined (I use the term loosely) in. Sadly, the food was too bland to be causing throat-of-fire. On the upside, this place should be thanking their lucky stars that I don't write restaurant reviews because I'm not sure there is the "slightest barely visible to the naked eye sliver of a star" to indicate how unappealing "Sangria" which is purple wine with canned fruit cocktail dumped in it really is. Really.
By Saturday afternoon throat-of-fire had moved to "general aches and pains" that could have been old age but probably had something to do with the head-swimming hacking thing I had going on. I think Saturday was fun but I remember very little of it. Apologies to my friends for any vague weirdness I may have visited up on them. I do know that frosting, a birthday cookie and singing was involved and I am always up for frosting and singing. Loved that.
Probably.
By Sunday throat-of-fire had morphed to swollen head and congested chest so THAT was fun. I figured the best thing to clear that up was paint fumes! Yay fumes!
Spent the day cleaning and painting Wondergirl's room. Love it so much I cannot say. She has really good taste, that kid. I think I'm putting her in charge of the rest of the house from now on. We had a great time but I did suffer a bit of angst when she vetoed moving many of her toys and stuffed animals back in after we had cleaned and painted. She decided that she likes it clean and clear.
What it is is "Teenaged."
I'll be sneaking Little Pet Shop toys and maybe a pacifier or something in there after she leaves for school today.
Just keeping it real - and real young!
Hacking and painting.
I had big birthday weekend plans. Dinner out with the BFF (who also happens to be my first-cousin which means she is stuck with me forever. Amen. Poor dear). I started getting the flaming throat of fire on Friday evening about halfway through our "date." I tried to blame the salsa at the astoundingly-bad-mexican-restaurant we dined (I use the term loosely) in. Sadly, the food was too bland to be causing throat-of-fire. On the upside, this place should be thanking their lucky stars that I don't write restaurant reviews because I'm not sure there is the "slightest barely visible to the naked eye sliver of a star" to indicate how unappealing "Sangria" which is purple wine with canned fruit cocktail dumped in it really is. Really.
By Saturday afternoon throat-of-fire had moved to "general aches and pains" that could have been old age but probably had something to do with the head-swimming hacking thing I had going on. I think Saturday was fun but I remember very little of it. Apologies to my friends for any vague weirdness I may have visited up on them. I do know that frosting, a birthday cookie and singing was involved and I am always up for frosting and singing. Loved that.
Probably.
By Sunday throat-of-fire had morphed to swollen head and congested chest so THAT was fun. I figured the best thing to clear that up was paint fumes! Yay fumes!
Spent the day cleaning and painting Wondergirl's room. Love it so much I cannot say. She has really good taste, that kid. I think I'm putting her in charge of the rest of the house from now on. We had a great time but I did suffer a bit of angst when she vetoed moving many of her toys and stuffed animals back in after we had cleaned and painted. She decided that she likes it clean and clear.
What it is is "Teenaged."
I'll be sneaking Little Pet Shop toys and maybe a pacifier or something in there after she leaves for school today.
Just keeping it real - and real young!
Rummaging for Democracy
It’s pretty much no big secret that I love a bargain and will purchase almost anything from a church rummage sale. I also always pay full price because the prices are ALWAYS laughably low. Still there is always SOMEONE trying to get a better deal "so this entire set of mint condition Pyrex bowls? Can you take LESS than a quarter for all?" It's like honestly now, did you really just try to get a price cut from The Lord?
I am also a huge HUGE fan of the democratic process, your right to vote, make a difference, blah blah blah.
Thus, when these two worlds COLLIDE why, it’s like perfection, with a cake table!
My voting precinct is a Midwestern Church. The thing about Midwestern Churches is that they are incapable of going for long periods of time without selling baked goods and rummage. Seriously. Somewhere in their hymnals is a tract entitled “ode to selling paperbacks and old sheets.”
I would like to think I would get up bright and early to vote even without pie – even as I hope I never have to face the horror of actually finding out.
Today was a particularly good score in the pursuit of democracy … and things I can’t really explain but Had To Have.
To whit:
Wondergirl has been asking for a camera to take to sleepaway camp. I think she has in mind a couple of those cheap disposables. I’m going to tell her I found THIS one for her – and such a deal! For $2 it’s worth the laughs – or looks of horror. After that I add it to my vintage-cameras-that-are-worth-nothing but-still-make-me-happy collection. It’s all good.
Okay first, hello cute. We are suckers for anything “soccer” around here. I’m still coveting a soccer Olympic tee I didn’t get (A quarter people! A QUARTER! It will probably haunt me). Speaking of things I paid a quarter for – this is one of them. Somewhere someone who is really remarkably bad at investments paid $29.95 for this little item. Poor dears.
Remember when Beanie Babies were going to be the next big thing? They were going to pay for college? Yeah, I paid a quarter for this. So go figure. Apparently depreciation hit HARD in the Beanie Baby world.
And okay how cute is this? I mean capital-P Precious right? If you are thinking “no, not really” then can I at least get a “eh, not a total waste of .75 cents?”
I’m thinking soccer raffle or something. I don’t know. Again, I see soccer balls and my eyes sort of glaze over. Must. Have. The. End.
Pay no attention to the dusty porch floor. What we are seeing here is my triumph – UGLY PICTURE!!! Yes, I know. I take a bow to the complete “What the HECK??” nature of this piece. Jagger is showing his long-suffering “Dude I’m a DOG and even I know this is bad” face. But I needed the frame see? My complete lack of interest in the actual art is evidenced by the fact that it is UPSIDE DOWN in the first photo. Here, let me flip it around for you …
See? Still hideous!!! (And if this came from YOUR house then seriously, I lie, it’s GORGEOUS. Stunning even. I’m sure in the right room it looked FABULOUS). As you can see Jagger is so in love with it that he is ducking down behind it in shame. Everyone’s a critic. Like I’m taking decorating advice from anybody who licks his own butt.
Eventually the frame will GO HERE ^ and it will all make perfect sense. I think.
Until then I KNOW you are thinking “why sure, it will go well with your FREAKY ONE EARED RABBIT and strange old wooden box. Sure.”
Oddly enough the colors of the painting kind of “go” with the room. If I hang it sideways just like that can I call it Modern Art?
I have written previously about the awesome deals to be found while in pursuit of democracy. Why, every time I look at my local vintage cider jug I feel all warm inside.
You have your “I voted today” sticker. I have clutter. Same difference.
I am also a huge HUGE fan of the democratic process, your right to vote, make a difference, blah blah blah.
Thus, when these two worlds COLLIDE why, it’s like perfection, with a cake table!
My voting precinct is a Midwestern Church. The thing about Midwestern Churches is that they are incapable of going for long periods of time without selling baked goods and rummage. Seriously. Somewhere in their hymnals is a tract entitled “ode to selling paperbacks and old sheets.”
I would like to think I would get up bright and early to vote even without pie – even as I hope I never have to face the horror of actually finding out.
Today was a particularly good score in the pursuit of democracy … and things I can’t really explain but Had To Have.
To whit:
Wondergirl has been asking for a camera to take to sleepaway camp. I think she has in mind a couple of those cheap disposables. I’m going to tell her I found THIS one for her – and such a deal! For $2 it’s worth the laughs – or looks of horror. After that I add it to my vintage-cameras-that-are-worth-nothing but-still-make-me-happy collection. It’s all good.
Okay first, hello cute. We are suckers for anything “soccer” around here. I’m still coveting a soccer Olympic tee I didn’t get (A quarter people! A QUARTER! It will probably haunt me). Speaking of things I paid a quarter for – this is one of them. Somewhere someone who is really remarkably bad at investments paid $29.95 for this little item. Poor dears.
Remember when Beanie Babies were going to be the next big thing? They were going to pay for college? Yeah, I paid a quarter for this. So go figure. Apparently depreciation hit HARD in the Beanie Baby world.
And okay how cute is this? I mean capital-P Precious right? If you are thinking “no, not really” then can I at least get a “eh, not a total waste of .75 cents?”
I’m thinking soccer raffle or something. I don’t know. Again, I see soccer balls and my eyes sort of glaze over. Must. Have. The. End.
Pay no attention to the dusty porch floor. What we are seeing here is my triumph – UGLY PICTURE!!! Yes, I know. I take a bow to the complete “What the HECK??” nature of this piece. Jagger is showing his long-suffering “Dude I’m a DOG and even I know this is bad” face. But I needed the frame see? My complete lack of interest in the actual art is evidenced by the fact that it is UPSIDE DOWN in the first photo. Here, let me flip it around for you …
See? Still hideous!!! (And if this came from YOUR house then seriously, I lie, it’s GORGEOUS. Stunning even. I’m sure in the right room it looked FABULOUS). As you can see Jagger is so in love with it that he is ducking down behind it in shame. Everyone’s a critic. Like I’m taking decorating advice from anybody who licks his own butt.
Eventually the frame will GO HERE ^ and it will all make perfect sense. I think. Until then I KNOW you are thinking “why sure, it will go well with your FREAKY ONE EARED RABBIT and strange old wooden box. Sure.”
Oddly enough the colors of the painting kind of “go” with the room. If I hang it sideways just like that can I call it Modern Art?
I have written previously about the awesome deals to be found while in pursuit of democracy. Why, every time I look at my local vintage cider jug I feel all warm inside.
You have your “I voted today” sticker. I have clutter. Same difference.
Now in RED just to torture me
Damn you Nintendo and your enticing RED Wii.
As we all know I am a sucker for anything red - as evidenced by my purchase of an unknown item that we now know to be a taco holder.
Previously I would have made ceaseless fun of anyone who actually owned a taco holder but, put some red on it, and I'm dropping my dime faster than you can say "what the heck is that?"
Fortunately, the red Wii costs marginally more than a dime, or I'd be so on that thing.
As we all know I am a sucker for anything red - as evidenced by my purchase of an unknown item that we now know to be a taco holder.
Previously I would have made ceaseless fun of anyone who actually owned a taco holder but, put some red on it, and I'm dropping my dime faster than you can say "what the heck is that?"
Fortunately, the red Wii costs marginally more than a dime, or I'd be so on that thing.
Your Government At Work
Actual Conversation I had with a County Office Yesterday (Paraphrasing but you get the jist):
Them: "Yes, the documents you sent us? They are good but not quite right. We can't use them this way, I need you to send a bit more information?"
Me: "Sure. No Problem. Sorry. So can you give me an idea what you are looking for so I can get it to you quickly without issues?"
Them: "Well, we aren't ALLOWED to tell you what to send. You just have to send it."
Me: Silence.
Me: ??
Me: "What the heck?"
Me: "So ... let me get this straight. You can tell me that what I DID send is wrong? But you are not ALLOWED to tell me what you DO need that would be right?"
Them: "Yes."
Okay Really? REALLY?
Since when is local government operating on a "we could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you" basis?
Them: "Yes, the documents you sent us? They are good but not quite right. We can't use them this way, I need you to send a bit more information?"
Me: "Sure. No Problem. Sorry. So can you give me an idea what you are looking for so I can get it to you quickly without issues?"
Them: "Well, we aren't ALLOWED to tell you what to send. You just have to send it."
Me: Silence.
Me: ??
Me: "What the heck?"
Me: "So ... let me get this straight. You can tell me that what I DID send is wrong? But you are not ALLOWED to tell me what you DO need that would be right?"
Them: "Yes."
Okay Really? REALLY?
Since when is local government operating on a "we could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you" basis?
What is it Wednesday?
Today we will play a fun new game called "What the Heck Is It Wednesday?" This because, despite my battle cry to declutter and purge my home of that which is not useful, beautiful, or sentimental, I have a wee little yard sale/rummage addiction that causes me to purchase things I don't need. To whit:
As you can see it is clearly the most versatile and useful item EVER as evidenced by the fact that it can, apparently, be used up or down. Or is that down or up? Anyway, the handles (I think they are handles?) have vinyl/rubber grips that lead me to believe they should, in fact, grip something. Perhaps rest on something? The angle lead us to think "pot or lid holder" but in real life that doesn't seem to work so well. The openings "lean" too much or something. I don't know much about physics but suffice to say that something isn't right with those mechanics.
So, I'm stumped and out a quarter. This is how I get sucked in to these things. "What is this? Oh, you don't know either? But it's only a quarter AND it's got red on it? I'll hit that!"*
(*Ode to Frank, American Pickers. I can't quit you Frank).
So, what is it?
Torturing children for fun and photos
Every fall since they were small I have herded the children out into the yard and forced them to pose for me. Used to be I could bribe them with candy. Now that they can score their own candy, I have to go for the hard stuff: “Because I said so” and threats of grave bodily harm. You do what works.
It’s been amazing to watch them grow, in a blink, from humans so tiny they could scarcely hold their bobble heads up long enough to be photographed into full fledged lanky people who can count and know that “just a few more shots” is not, in fact, 300 more shots. Back then I lived in dread fear that my then two-year old son would allow his months-old sister to topple out of the swing and on to the ground face first and how would I explain THAT to grandma?
Today I live in dread fear that someday they will have valid excuses to dodge my annual Fall Photo Sessions. Things like “mom I have to work” or “mom I moved out five years ago.”
It’s been amazing to watch them grow, in a blink, from humans so tiny they could scarcely hold their bobble heads up long enough to be photographed into full fledged lanky people who can count and know that “just a few more shots” is not, in fact, 300 more shots. Back then I lived in dread fear that my then two-year old son would allow his months-old sister to topple out of the swing and on to the ground face first and how would I explain THAT to grandma?
Today I live in dread fear that someday they will have valid excuses to dodge my annual Fall Photo Sessions. Things like “mom I have to work” or “mom I moved out five years ago.”
On the Menu
On the menu this evening homemade chicken pot pie and homebaked banana bread.
I better steam a piece of broccoli or something. Can you O.D. on carbs?
In other news the people who owe me money STILL owe me money. "I promise I'll pay on the 15th" apparently means the 15th of Never?
I'm a reasonable person, as Landlords go. This means, however, that I have had enough.
I am willing to work with ANYONE and understand the fear, stress, and frustration of "more month than money."
Outright lies and dodging my calls so that you don't have to speak to me and at least come up with a plan?
That I can't deal with at all.
Beautiful Townhouse style twinplex for rent. Hardwood floors. Cheap. :)
On the upside I have found the Best Banana Bread recipe (apologies to my Grandmother). It uses Bisquick and is so easy to whip up that this is the second loaf we've had this week.
Not that I'm purposefully neglecting my bananas just to get them overripe enough to bake with or anything.
Oh no. Not at all ...
I better steam a piece of broccoli or something. Can you O.D. on carbs?
In other news the people who owe me money STILL owe me money. "I promise I'll pay on the 15th" apparently means the 15th of Never?
I'm a reasonable person, as Landlords go. This means, however, that I have had enough.
I am willing to work with ANYONE and understand the fear, stress, and frustration of "more month than money."
Outright lies and dodging my calls so that you don't have to speak to me and at least come up with a plan?
That I can't deal with at all.
Beautiful Townhouse style twinplex for rent. Hardwood floors. Cheap. :)
On the upside I have found the Best Banana Bread recipe (apologies to my Grandmother). It uses Bisquick and is so easy to whip up that this is the second loaf we've had this week.
Not that I'm purposefully neglecting my bananas just to get them overripe enough to bake with or anything.
Oh no. Not at all ...
Kickin' it Midwestern Style
Nothing says "Autumn in Ohio" quite like needing flip-flops AND thermal insulated Muck boots on the same day ...
Welcome to Ohio. Hope you dressed warm.
You win some, you lose some, but if you are a poor sport you lose them all.
Saturday we had the pleasure to travel to a nearby league for a recreational soccer game. We lost. I thought I’d get that out of the way right up front. Fortunately, we didn’t have any money on the game and there were no cash or automotive prizes at stake so nobody was too broke up about it. This isn’t some sour grapes post whereby I extract revenge on my arch nemesis – a bunch of 11 year olds.
What did bother me, and what prompted this random musing is that it is getting tougher to advocate for youth sports when I run into kids who are such poor sports themselves.
The game that was going very well except for, you know, the whole losing thing. Saturday was an absolutely GORGEOUS day, the kind of sublimely perfect bridging the gap from summer to fall day that people write poetry about. The fields were well-maintained, my lawn chair was comfy, and they had a good concession stand. Weather. Seating. Snacks. My trifecta of sport spectating perfection had been reached.
Then we got down to the game. They were winning – yay them! I stuck to my usual stance of cheering for BOTH sides, throwing in a “great job keeper!” if THEIR goalie made a memorable play. They are CHILDREN after all. I don’t get too overwrought about it.
Then one of their players shoved my daughter. Hard. Two hands in the back in the classic ‘no double about it oh yes she did” move that instantly had the referee on her whistle. Good call. It happens. I honestly don’t get all worked up about THAT anymore either, which just goes to show how thick my skin has grown. That is until three of the other players openly mocked the referee, patting each other on the back saying "good SHOVE. Nice SHOVE!" dripping sarcasm (where do 11 year olds get sarcasm anyway?) all the while.
Where is the call against unsportsmanship behavior?
Later, when we scored our one and only goal one of the players turned to my DD - the scorer - and said snidely "you know you're still a LOSER right?"
I am not a "my child can do no wrong" parent but please note that the NEXT day my DD played Howland and the ref there (an adult and clearly a pro) complimented BOTH teams on being the politest and among best sports she had ever had the pleasure to referee.
I would like to think that’s because if MY child ever openly mocked a referee during a call, she would be benched so fast, heck she’d be in the CAR on the way home, before she ever knew what hit her.
Apparently, some parents are just all about the score.
And to the ponytailed blond that labeled my daughter, and her team, “losers” based on the score of one game, let me tell you sweetie that behavior lasts long after you leave the field and if there were any true “losers” there that day, they didn’t appear to be on our team.
Here a player offers a hand to the opposing team’s goalie.
Question of the Day: Do we blame pro sports and their trash talkin’, ego-stroking bravado or parents who apparently are unaware or unconcerned with how their children behave on the field?
What did bother me, and what prompted this random musing is that it is getting tougher to advocate for youth sports when I run into kids who are such poor sports themselves.
The game that was going very well except for, you know, the whole losing thing. Saturday was an absolutely GORGEOUS day, the kind of sublimely perfect bridging the gap from summer to fall day that people write poetry about. The fields were well-maintained, my lawn chair was comfy, and they had a good concession stand. Weather. Seating. Snacks. My trifecta of sport spectating perfection had been reached.
Then we got down to the game. They were winning – yay them! I stuck to my usual stance of cheering for BOTH sides, throwing in a “great job keeper!” if THEIR goalie made a memorable play. They are CHILDREN after all. I don’t get too overwrought about it.
Then one of their players shoved my daughter. Hard. Two hands in the back in the classic ‘no double about it oh yes she did” move that instantly had the referee on her whistle. Good call. It happens. I honestly don’t get all worked up about THAT anymore either, which just goes to show how thick my skin has grown. That is until three of the other players openly mocked the referee, patting each other on the back saying "good SHOVE. Nice SHOVE!" dripping sarcasm (where do 11 year olds get sarcasm anyway?) all the while.
Where is the call against unsportsmanship behavior?
Later, when we scored our one and only goal one of the players turned to my DD - the scorer - and said snidely "you know you're still a LOSER right?"
I am not a "my child can do no wrong" parent but please note that the NEXT day my DD played Howland and the ref there (an adult and clearly a pro) complimented BOTH teams on being the politest and among best sports she had ever had the pleasure to referee.
I would like to think that’s because if MY child ever openly mocked a referee during a call, she would be benched so fast, heck she’d be in the CAR on the way home, before she ever knew what hit her.
Apparently, some parents are just all about the score.
And to the ponytailed blond that labeled my daughter, and her team, “losers” based on the score of one game, let me tell you sweetie that behavior lasts long after you leave the field and if there were any true “losers” there that day, they didn’t appear to be on our team.
Here a player offers a hand to the opposing team’s goalie.
Question of the Day: Do we blame pro sports and their trash talkin’, ego-stroking bravado or parents who apparently are unaware or unconcerned with how their children behave on the field?
Top Ten Rules for Surviving High School
Totally plagiarized from mass-email going around but still pretty relevant if one ignores the totally dated reference to "leaving the coffee shop." Apparently this was written in the early 2000's when "Friends" still ruled the airwaves. Now your friends would have to leave the reality TV venue/island and get a job.
I think #4 is my personal favorite.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
Bunnies, Brassieres, and Bargains
Otherwise known as our Fabulous Friday and Most Excellent Auction Adventure. Living within shouting distance of one of the tri-state region’s premiere flea market, produce sale, and weekly auction, it only goes to figure that we would never, ever go there for the first decade or more that we lived here.
Meanwhile, people drive for HOURS to come to visit something that is almost in my backyard and me, I couldn’t be bothered to attend. Every Friday I cursed the traffic and wondered WHAT IN THE WORLD people found there, and then drove over to the grocery store to pay $10 for a kiwi. To be fair for many years I was toting babies, then toddlers, then two small children both fascinated, and frustrated, by all the bright colors and random roaming chickens.
Nowadays, the children are much less prone to wander off, tip over a 10,000 watermelon high display, or chase chickens and we find we are enjoying the auction/sale very much. It is a happy, colorful place where frugality and fair food intersect. Sublime.
If you do nothing else at LEAST scroll halfway down the posts for the cutest, most darling and precious photos you can ever hope to see. Seriously, so sweet your teeth will ache.
Sweetie back AWAY from the grimy thing. I'm pretty sure you have two just like it at home.
Okay, I confess that a few years ago I would have been hyperventilating by now. This is a scrapbook paper rack with spinning embellishment holder atop it. I seriously would have plotzed and HAD TO BUY IT NOW. TAKE MY MONEY NOW! NOW! It sold for $3 and I confess that had I realized that was happening, I STILL would have bid on it. The fact that I would have scored two wholly useless to me trail-view mirrors is just a sad bonus.
People seriously pay .75 cents a basket for this stuff. Makes gardening myself - and all the work involved - seem foolish, at best.
I didn't count them. I'm trusting this one ...
Anyone need 500+ assorted pet collars? Anyone? Quite the bargain at $45 for all. Granted, veterinary care for the dozens of dogs you’d need to buy to wear these is definitely going to set you back …
This mixer came with two dough hooks, meringue beater, two bowls and sold for $35 only because I let the other lady have it because as frugal as I am I couldn't face taking it home to find out it didn't work. This despite the fact that the box SAID "works perfectly" and, as we all know, auction boxes never lie. If you purchased this and it works like a charm please keep that information to yourself because otherwise, I might cry.
I don't know what this battered bed base did, but apparently, it's sorry.
This guy was a hoot. He plunked himself down and made smart comments about all the items for sale. He was hilarious. HIM I would have bid on, had he been available. Sure I already have one of these but mine is the younger model and I think the older model would have been a nice addition to my set.
It's important to test out the merchandise prior to bidding …
Aw ... if this was any more precious and darling it would put us right into a sugar coma.
Again more squee preciousness. You were warned.
This sight just makes me want to bake something.
Anyone need a couple hundred pounds of onions? Anybody? You could probably buy these for a buck.
Okay, I'll confess that hate that I am so petty that "brake down all boxes" has been causing me actual head pain for years now ... It's "break.” "BREAK" Unless you planned to slow those boxes the heck down in which case you are spot on. Still, I think everyone who matters gets the meaning and pedantic little snots like me can just keep walkin' ...
These are all the cutest of my most favorite things at the sale. You can buy everything except BFF’s Sara and Trin. They are most definitely not-for-sale.
At the intersection of massive coronary and high blood pressure. That's where my sweetie likes to hang
Fries AND sweet tea. I just need to pull this cart to my house and I'll never have to cook again.
I don't know if this was just an unfortunate choice of shorts "oh no honey, they don't make you look effeminate at ALL," or if he lost a bet, or if he is just in touch with the feminine side but I say you get on with your bad self. I think any guy that would wear a skirt into the true “heart of the country” deserves a shout-out and “nice legs” too.
This awesome display of roadkill themed stuffed animals would make a lovely gift for any child ...
Who cut the cheese? Sorry, couldn't resist ...
Just in case you haven't found the perfect, tasteful gift for that hard-to-buy-for person in your life.
Hey, streetwalkers like bargains too ...
Not only do you get sustenance and sexy shoes and some good old-fashioned advice too.
These are lovely and, should I ever find myself a headless person with a 12" waist, I'm definitely going to wear one. Until then I’m just a chunky, jealous hater who hopes that the “one size fits all” tag is not taken literally
More pretty fruit because, hello, it’s a produce sale and it’s so good you just can’t help but buy it, buy it, and then buy some more. I think you can buy a week's worth of fruits and veggies for like $20 or less. No problem.
Bras $10 a pack. I give kudos for the remarkable self-control shown by both sellers and customers alike that no one has ever taken one of those knock-off Sharpies and altered that sign to say "$10 a RACK." Keepin’ it classy. Good for you!
Fully admitting that both "U.S. Sheetrock" and "Enjoy Squirt" called out to me. Having run out of walls, however, I was able to fend them off, but barely.
It pays to know your market.You have to applaud a seller who puts "The Wine Book" within close reach of "The Strong Willed Child." I think those might come as a set.
The best homemade ice cream - and the sweetest lady scooping it out. She seriously was just so pretty and kind that I wanted to put her in my purse and take her home – as a reminder of the kind of personality I want to have, but rarely do.
And the fact that one imprisoned in my purse she would have no choice but to make me homemade, velvety lush black raspberry ice cream had no bearing on my desires. No, not at all *liar*
I cannot lie. I'm drawn to this like flies to honey because you never know when you might need a 1990's CD player, harvest gold wineglass, mushroom shaped salt and pepper shakers, or Nascar Christmas stocking.
Contrary to popular belief that only "old stuff" is sold here, many sellers offer cutting-edge, timely, and of-the-moment merchandise too.
Finally, I kid you not we were two rows over and I spied this and got all fluttery and stupid in wanting to be the first to show this to Mr. Wonderful "OMG It's the GENERAL LEE!!! Suddenly it was 1980-something and it was if I truly believed that I was *this close* to meeting Bo Duke. Who I would, of course, marry and we would live happily ever after - on the set of "Dallas."
All photos taken at Roger's Community Auction which graciously allowed me to wander around snapping pictures of random items and never even considered calling the Sheriff - at least not that I'm aware of. Thanks! We ♥ your sale!
Meanwhile, people drive for HOURS to come to visit something that is almost in my backyard and me, I couldn’t be bothered to attend. Every Friday I cursed the traffic and wondered WHAT IN THE WORLD people found there, and then drove over to the grocery store to pay $10 for a kiwi. To be fair for many years I was toting babies, then toddlers, then two small children both fascinated, and frustrated, by all the bright colors and random roaming chickens.
Nowadays, the children are much less prone to wander off, tip over a 10,000 watermelon high display, or chase chickens and we find we are enjoying the auction/sale very much. It is a happy, colorful place where frugality and fair food intersect. Sublime.
If you do nothing else at LEAST scroll halfway down the posts for the cutest, most darling and precious photos you can ever hope to see. Seriously, so sweet your teeth will ache.
Sweetie back AWAY from the grimy thing. I'm pretty sure you have two just like it at home.
Okay, I confess that a few years ago I would have been hyperventilating by now. This is a scrapbook paper rack with spinning embellishment holder atop it. I seriously would have plotzed and HAD TO BUY IT NOW. TAKE MY MONEY NOW! NOW! It sold for $3 and I confess that had I realized that was happening, I STILL would have bid on it. The fact that I would have scored two wholly useless to me trail-view mirrors is just a sad bonus.
People seriously pay .75 cents a basket for this stuff. Makes gardening myself - and all the work involved - seem foolish, at best.
I didn't count them. I'm trusting this one ...
Anyone need 500+ assorted pet collars? Anyone? Quite the bargain at $45 for all. Granted, veterinary care for the dozens of dogs you’d need to buy to wear these is definitely going to set you back …
This mixer came with two dough hooks, meringue beater, two bowls and sold for $35 only because I let the other lady have it because as frugal as I am I couldn't face taking it home to find out it didn't work. This despite the fact that the box SAID "works perfectly" and, as we all know, auction boxes never lie. If you purchased this and it works like a charm please keep that information to yourself because otherwise, I might cry.
I don't know what this battered bed base did, but apparently, it's sorry.
This guy was a hoot. He plunked himself down and made smart comments about all the items for sale. He was hilarious. HIM I would have bid on, had he been available. Sure I already have one of these but mine is the younger model and I think the older model would have been a nice addition to my set.
It's important to test out the merchandise prior to bidding …
Aw ... if this was any more precious and darling it would put us right into a sugar coma.
Again more squee preciousness. You were warned.
This sight just makes me want to bake something.
Anyone need a couple hundred pounds of onions? Anybody? You could probably buy these for a buck.
Okay, I'll confess that hate that I am so petty that "brake down all boxes" has been causing me actual head pain for years now ... It's "break.” "BREAK" Unless you planned to slow those boxes the heck down in which case you are spot on. Still, I think everyone who matters gets the meaning and pedantic little snots like me can just keep walkin' ...
These are all the cutest of my most favorite things at the sale. You can buy everything except BFF’s Sara and Trin. They are most definitely not-for-sale.
At the intersection of massive coronary and high blood pressure. That's where my sweetie likes to hang
Fries AND sweet tea. I just need to pull this cart to my house and I'll never have to cook again.
I don't know if this was just an unfortunate choice of shorts "oh no honey, they don't make you look effeminate at ALL," or if he lost a bet, or if he is just in touch with the feminine side but I say you get on with your bad self. I think any guy that would wear a skirt into the true “heart of the country” deserves a shout-out and “nice legs” too.
This awesome display of roadkill themed stuffed animals would make a lovely gift for any child ...
Who cut the cheese? Sorry, couldn't resist ...
Just in case you haven't found the perfect, tasteful gift for that hard-to-buy-for person in your life.
Hey, streetwalkers like bargains too ...
Not only do you get sustenance and sexy shoes and some good old-fashioned advice too.
These are lovely and, should I ever find myself a headless person with a 12" waist, I'm definitely going to wear one. Until then I’m just a chunky, jealous hater who hopes that the “one size fits all” tag is not taken literally
More pretty fruit because, hello, it’s a produce sale and it’s so good you just can’t help but buy it, buy it, and then buy some more. I think you can buy a week's worth of fruits and veggies for like $20 or less. No problem.
Bras $10 a pack. I give kudos for the remarkable self-control shown by both sellers and customers alike that no one has ever taken one of those knock-off Sharpies and altered that sign to say "$10 a RACK." Keepin’ it classy. Good for you!
Fully admitting that both "U.S. Sheetrock" and "Enjoy Squirt" called out to me. Having run out of walls, however, I was able to fend them off, but barely.
It pays to know your market.You have to applaud a seller who puts "The Wine Book" within close reach of "The Strong Willed Child." I think those might come as a set.
The best homemade ice cream - and the sweetest lady scooping it out. She seriously was just so pretty and kind that I wanted to put her in my purse and take her home – as a reminder of the kind of personality I want to have, but rarely do.
And the fact that one imprisoned in my purse she would have no choice but to make me homemade, velvety lush black raspberry ice cream had no bearing on my desires. No, not at all *liar*
I cannot lie. I'm drawn to this like flies to honey because you never know when you might need a 1990's CD player, harvest gold wineglass, mushroom shaped salt and pepper shakers, or Nascar Christmas stocking.
Contrary to popular belief that only "old stuff" is sold here, many sellers offer cutting-edge, timely, and of-the-moment merchandise too.
Finally, I kid you not we were two rows over and I spied this and got all fluttery and stupid in wanting to be the first to show this to Mr. Wonderful "OMG It's the GENERAL LEE!!! Suddenly it was 1980-something and it was if I truly believed that I was *this close* to meeting Bo Duke. Who I would, of course, marry and we would live happily ever after - on the set of "Dallas."
All photos taken at Roger's Community Auction which graciously allowed me to wander around snapping pictures of random items and never even considered calling the Sheriff - at least not that I'm aware of. Thanks! We ♥ your sale!
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